My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
