just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
