i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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