the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
