Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
