Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
