Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
