I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
