I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Drunk is not a location!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
