Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
