sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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