Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
