Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
