I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
