I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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