So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
