She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
