we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Randomize
