I want to stick my p in your. b.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
