I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
