Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
