Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
