I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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