so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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