So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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