My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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