none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
