and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
