we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
