Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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