My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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