I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
People in love make me want to vomit
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
