i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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