But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
