I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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