he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
