Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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