you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
