Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
