You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
