It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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