Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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