We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
