theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
