I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
