consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
