Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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