Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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