Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
