Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
