I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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