dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
