I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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