I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
