is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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