He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
